September was a full month, and since I’m behind on posting this one, I decided to cut short my list of lessons learned and briefly share the main thing pressing on my mind and heart:
I don’t want to waste any darkness.
Last month had its share of sad days. Don’t get me wrong, God’s throwing blessings left and right, and there’s so much we’re LOVING about our life here in Dallas. But since we just moved less than four months ago, it’s also still hard in a lot of ways.
Even with a friendly neighborhood that seems to own the word “community” (seriously, they’re awesome at sharing life with each other and welcoming the newbies), it’s still not always fun to be the new girl: on the outside looking in at those who have long, rich histories with each other, waiting to feel like their shared life is mine too, and even hungrier for community with people who share my faith.
So yes, even in the midst of many good gifts, all of that aloneness -coupled with the challenge of parenting each of my kids through transition – makes for some hard days. But I’m learning to look for where God is in my dark days and also where He’d want to use them.
I keep thinking about a Tim Keller sermon I heard years ago on Psalm 126, in which he admonished two things: Pray your tears, and invest your tears.
I have the choice to let my sadnesses usher me into the Lord’s presence, to sow them into deeper kingdom purposes and wait for the day joy is reaped.
And that’s what I’ve been learning to do. It gets messy, and I have days where I resist it. But then God invites me nearer to Him again, only asking that I bring my real emotions, without pretense or disguise. His healing isn’t for the pretend but for the actual struggles he’s allowed me to face. I don’t want to miss that healing because I’m too consumed with masquerading my feelings.
Dark days can be sown into meaningful moments, and I’m counting on God to do that work.